Here is today’s Game and what’s going on.
This is what I learned from Dave Hollis‘ book, Get Out of Your Own Way.
Today’s highlights and declaration come from the chapter titled “The Lie: It’s My Job to Protect Them From Problems.” Let’s jump in:
- Much of what my kids need to become the people they are meant to be requires them to endure things they may not like. And being a good partner to my wife isn’t exclusively about preventing discomfort, but standing alongside her when she goes through a hard time or needs support after a long day.
- Are you a peacekeeper? Resist the temptation to fix everything. First, you can’t actually do it. Second, if you can, it may very well keep you and your family from seeing what that challenge was meant to pull out of you as you become a bigger version of yourself.
THINGS THAT CAN HELP YOU
- Seek counsel from other people who have been there. Resisting the temptation to fix thing that could disrupt your life requires first finding those who can tell you how they survived the same kind of season in theirs, how they maneuvered through it, how they were stronger coming out the other end. When something comes up that you reflexively reach to fix, ask if you know anyone else who is successfully navigating that problem or is on the other side of resolution. The positive proof that came from knowing that others had been there first was critical in our foster-adoption journey, but it is just as important to find positive examples of how other husbands process stresses with their wives or how other dads approach discipline or rewards with their kids.
- Stop fixing small things to train your caveman brain. We have a kind of brain in our heads that has, from the beginning of time, been about survival—and that survival sometimes required man to hunt and gather to provide for a family that waited for his return to eat. That centuries-old brain meets ego and societal gender norms in a place that tells men it’s our job to fix everything. That primal wiring, those pangs of ego swimming against the current in culture, they require baby-stepping through times when you don’t hunt and don’t gather. When you allow those loved ones you’d normally fix things for to show that they can survive without your fixing things for them, they might actually thrive.
- Visualize the outcome, not the problem. Start with what you want to be or what you want your children to be. Work backwards to how to accomplish that.
That leads us to today’s Dadly Daily Declaration:
The critical things that will shape who we are and how we’ll grow will only get enough oxygen to do so when we stop trying to fix them and allow them to happen.
Growing through those difficult seasons allows us to come out stronger, more mature, more confident in our ability to handle whatever comes next.
