Surround yourself with people who have the habits you want to have yourself.

Here is today’s Game and what’s going on.

Here is what I discovered today in our Dadly Daily Declaration readings from Chapter 9 of Atomic Habits by James Clear.  The title of this chapter is “The Role of Family and Friends in Shaping Your Habits.”

Today’s chapter continues delving in to the Second Law of Behavior Change: Make It Attractive. Here are a few highlights from today’s readings:

• Whatever habits are normal in your culture are among the most attractive behaviors you’ll find.
• We don’t choose our earliest habits, we imitate them. We follow the script handed down by our friends and family, our church or school, our local community and society at large. Each of these culture and groups comes with its own set of expectations and standards.
• These social norms are the invisible rules that guide your behavior each day. You’re always keeping them in mind, even if they are not at the top of your mind. Often, you follow the habits of your culture without thinking, without questioning, and sometimes without remembering.
• Behaviors are attractive when they help us fit in.
• We imitate the habits of three groups in particular:
  1. The close
  2. The many
  3. The powerful

• In terms of Imitating the Close, proximity has a powerful effect on our behavior.
  • We pick up habits from the people around us. We copy the way our parents handle arguments, the way our peers flirt with one another, the way our coworkers get results.
  • The closer we are to someone, the more likely we are to imitate some of their habits.
  • Nothing sustains motivation better than belonging to the tribe. It transforms a personal quest into a shared one.  The shared identity begins to reinforce your personal identity.

• In terms of Imitating the Many, we look to the group to guide our behavior when we are unsure how to act.
  • We constantly scan our environment and wonder, “What is everyone else doing?”  We want to imitate the “best” habits.
  • The normal behavior of the tribe often overpowers the desired behavior of the individual.
  • There is tremendous internal pressure to copy with the norms of the group. The reward of being accepted is often greater than the reward of winning an argument, looking smart or finding truth. Most days, we’d rather be wrong with the crowd than be right by ourselves.
  • The human mind knows how to get along with others. It wants to get along with others.
  • When changing your habits means challenging the tribe, change is unattractive. When changing your habits means fitting in with the tribe, change is very attractive.

• In terms of Imitating the Powerful, we are drawn to behaviors that earn us respect, approval, admiration and status.
  • Humans everywhere pursue power, prestige, and status. Though this tendency can seem vain, it is a smart move.  Historically, a person with greater power and status has access to more resources, worries less about survival, and proves to be a more attractive mate.
  • We try to copy the behavior of successful people because we desire success ourselves.  Many of our daily habits are imitations of people we admire.  We imitate people we envy.
  • High-status people enjoy the approval, respect, and praise of others. And that means if a behavior can get us approval, respect, and praise, we find it attractive.
  • We are also motivated to avoid behaviors that would lower our status. We are continually wondering “What will others think of me?” and altering our behavior based on the answer.

Those gems lead us to today’s Dadly Daily Declaration:

One of the most effective things you can do to build better habits is to join a culture where your desired behavior is the normal behavior. New habits seem achievable when you see others doing them every day. If you are surrounded by fit people, you’re more likely to consider working out to be a common habit. Your culture sets your expectation for what is “normal.” Surround yourself with people who have the habits you want to have yourself. You’ll rise together.

To make your habits more attractive, take this strategy one step further.  Join a culture where (1) your desired behavior is the normal behavior and (2) you already have something in common with the group.  If you already similar to the other members of the group in some way, change becomes more appealing because it feels like something people like you already do.